Me? An instrument?

There are numerous people mentioned in the scriptures that were said to be instruments in the hands of God. Who are these people? Well clearly more righteous and incredible than I am. But I have been told since I was young that I could be an instrument in His hands. Me? Really? No way. And what does that mean anyway?

I had two specific experiences this past year in a half that makes me think maybe at the age of 35 I finally have a glimpse of what it means.

The first experience started in August 2009 when I was called to be the Young Women’s president. My oldest child was 10 years old. I didn’t know anything about teenagers. I didn’t know the girls well and many I had never met. I didn’t know anything about the YW’s program. I had totally forgotten how the Personal Progress program worked and really didn’t know how the entire Young Women’s program was supposed to work. Immediately thoughts came to mind. Loud and clear. Strong thoughts and impressions that I knew weren’t coming from me. I knew. How could they be? I didn’t know enough to think those thoughts and have those ideas. I was told exactly what to do and I acted. At one point I felt that others were trying to tell me what to do that was contrary to what I felt the Spirit was telling me to do. I was bold and stood my ground. I knew that over time the Spirit would back off a bit allowing me to rely on others and myself to figure things out, but for the moment He was the one that would tell me everything. True enough, a few months later when it seemed we were in a miraculous groove, that gift of the Spirit was gone. I didn’t wish it back because the YW girls were on the right track. That’s not to say that I don’t feel the Spirit now or that I don’t feel guidance, inspiration, and revelation pertaining to those girls. It’s just back to being a quiet Spirit that allows me to think for myself and intervenes when necessary.

The second experience started on October 9th 2010. As I was driving home from the gym I thought I should call my sister. Immediately I learned she had just experienced a very severe and heart wrenching tribulation. I had never gone through this experience myself. I didn’t know anything about it or how it would feel or how to deal with it or what to do about it. I knew nothing. Immediately thoughts came to my mind of what to do. Words came to my mouths of what to say. These impressions were loud and clear. I knew they were not coming from me. I knew. How could they be? I didn’t know enough to have those thoughts. I was told exactly what to do and I acted. I was told exactly what to say and I spoke it. I was bold and stood my ground. After two months my sister was strong and able to move forward. I felt the absence of that almost tangible Spirit when it left. I didn’t wish it back because I knew she was on the right track. She was ready to stand on her own and feel the Spirit for herself.

Mosiah 27:36 “And thus they were instruments in the hands of God in bringing many to the knowledge of truth, yea to the knowledge of their Redeemer.”

Maybe it is possible that I can be an instrument in His hands. And if I can be, no doubt anyone can be.

This quote hit me strong when I heard it a few weeks ago. I hope to never forget it.

“Never ever ever doubt yourself. Never ever ever have somebody tell you, “That’s Crazy!” Crazy things happen to those who apply themselves and believe in themselves. When you know, you know. Just keep moving forward no matter how dark things are, no matter how on the edge you are. It will all work out. Good and bad will happen but it will all work out. Believe in yourself.”